Written 405 B.C.E.

Dramatis Personae

XANTHIAS, servant of DIONYSUS
DIONYSUS
HERACLES
A CORPSE
CHARON
AEACUS
A MAID SERVANT OF PERSEPHONE
HOSTESS, keeper of cook-shop
PLATHANE, her partner
EURIPIDES
AESCHYLUS
PLUTO
CHORUS OF FROGS
CHORUS OF BLESSED MYSTICS

Scene

The scene shows the house of HERACLES in the background. There enter two travellers: DIONYSUS on foot, in his customary yellow robe and buskins but also with the club and lion's skin of Heracles, and his servant XANTHIAS on a donkey, carrying the luggage on a pole over his shoulder.

DIONYSUS

Get down, you rascal; I've been trudging on
Till now I've reached the portal, where I'm going
First to turn in. Boy! Boy! I say there, Boy!

Enter HERACLES from house.

HERACLES

Who banged the door? How like prancing Centaur
He drove against it Mercy o' me, what's this?

DIONYSUS

Boy.

XANTHIAS

Yes.

DIONYSUS

Did you observe?

XANTHIAS

What?

DIONYSUS

How alarmed he is.

XANTHIAS

Aye truly, lest you've lost your wits.

HERACLES

O by Demeter, I can't choose but laugh.
Biting my lips won't stop me. Ha! ha! ha!

DIONYSUS

Pray you, come hither, I have need of you.

HERACLES

I vow I can't help laughing, I can't help it.
A lion's hide upon a yellow silk,
A club and buskin! What's it all about?
Where were you going?

DIONYSUS

I was serving lately
Aboard the-Cleisthenes.
More than a dozen of the enemy's ships.

HERACLES

You two?

DIONYSUS

We two.

HERACLES

And then I awoke, and lo!

DIONYSUS

There as, on deck, I'm reading to myself
The Andromeda, a sudden pang of longing.
Shoots through my heart, you can't conceive how keenly.

HERACLES

How big a pang?

DIONYSUS

A small one, Molon's size.

HERACLES

Caused by a woman?

DIONYSUS

No.

HERACLES

A boy?

DIONYSUS

No, no.

HERACLES

A man?

DIONYSUS

Ah! ah!

HERACLES

Was it for Cleisthenes?

DIONYSUS

Don't mock me, brother: on my life I am
In a bad way: such fierce desire consumes me.

HERACLES

Aye, little brother? how?

DIONYSUS

I can't describe it.
But yet I'll tell you in a riddling way.
Have you e'er felt a sudden lust for soup?

HERACLES

Soup! Zeus-a-mercy, yes, ten thousand times.

DIONYSUS

Is the thing clear, or must I speak again?

HERACLES

Not of the soup: I'm clear about the soup.

DIONYSUS

Well, just that sort of pang devours my heart
For lost Euripides.

HERACLES

A dead man too.

DIONYSUS

And no one shall persuade me not to go
After the man.

HERACLES

Do you mean below, to Hades?

DIONYSUS

And lower still, if there's a lower still.

HERACLES

What on earth for?

DIONYSUS

I want a genuine poet,
'For some are not, and those that are, are bad.'
…
But tell me truly-'twas for this I came
Dressed up to mimic you-what friends received
And entertained you when you went below
To bring back Cerberus, in case I need them.
And tell me too the havens, fountains, shops,
Roads, resting-places, stews, refreshment-rooms,
Towns, lodgings, hostesses, with whom were found
The fewest bugs.

XANTHIAS

But never a word of me.

HERACLES

You are really game to go?

DIONYSUS

O drop that, can't you?
And tell me this: of all the roads you know
Which is the quickest way to get to Hades?
I want one not too warm, nor yet too cold.

HERACLES

Which shall I tell you first? which shall it be?
There's one by rope and bench: you launch away
And-hang yourself.

DIONYSUS

No thank you: that's too stifling.

HERACLES

Then there's a track, a short and beaten cut,
By pestle and mortar.

DIONYSUS

Hemlock, do you mean?

HERACLES

Just so.

DIONYSUS

No, that's too deathly cold a way;
You have hardly started ere your shins get numbed.

HERACLES

Well, would you like a steep and swift descent?

DIONYSUS

Aye, that's the style: my walking powers are small.

HERACLES

Go down to the Cerameicus.

DIONYSUS

And do what?

HERACLES

Climb to the tower's top pinnacle-

DIONYSUS

And then?

HERACLES

Observe the torch-race started, and when all
The multitude is shouting 'Let them go,'
Let yourself go.

DIONYSUS

Go! whither?

HERACLES

To the ground.

DIONYSUS

And lose, forsooth, two envelopes of brain.
I'll not try that.

HERACLES

Which will you try?

DIONYSUS

The way You went yourself.

HERACLES

A parlous voyage that,
For first you'll come to an enormous lake
Of fathomless depth.

DIONYSUS

And how am I to cross?

HERACLES

An ancient mariner will row you over
In a wee boat, so big. The fare's two obols.

DIONYSUS

Fie! The power two obols have, the whole world through!
How came they thither!

HERACLES

Theseus took them down.
And next you'll see great snakes and savage monsters
In tens of thousands.

DIONYSUS

You needn't try to scare me,
I'm going to go.

HERACLES

Then weltering seas of filth
And ever-rippling dung: and plunged therein,
Whoso has wronged the stranger here on earth,
Or robbed his boylove of the promised pay,
Or swinged his mother, or profanely smitten
His father's check, or sworn an oath forsworn,
Or copied out a speech of Morsimus.

DIONYSUS

There too, perdie, should he be plunged, whoe'er
Has danced the sword-dance of Cinesias.

HERACLES

And next the breath of flutes will float around you,
And glorious sunshine, such as ours, you'll see,
And myrtle groves, and happy bands who clap
Their hands in triumph, men and women too.

DIONYSUS

And who are they?

HERACLES

The happy mystic bands,

XANTHIAS

And I'm the donkey in the mystery show.
But I'll not stand it, not one instant longer.

HERACLES

Who'll tell you everything you want to know.
You'll find them dwelling close beside the road
You are going to travel, just at Pluto's gate.
And fare thee well, my brother.

DIONYSUS

And to you Good cheer.

Exit HERACLES.

Now sirrah, pick you up the traps.

XANTHIAS

Before I've put them down?

DIONYSUS

And quickly too.

XANTHIAS

No, prithee, no: but hire a body, one
They're carrying out, on purpose for the trip.

DIONYSUS

If I can't find one?

XANTHIAS

Then I'll take them.

DIONYSUS

Good.
And see they are carrying out a body now.

Here a CORPSE, wrapped in its grave-clothes, and lying on a bier, is carried across the stage.

Hallo! you there, you deadman, are you willing
To carry down our little traps to Hades?

CORPSE

What are they?

DIONYSUS

These.

CORPSE

Two drachmas for the job?

DIONYSUS

Nay, that's too much.

CORPSE

Out of the pathway, you!

DIONYSUS

Beshrew thee, stop: may-be we'll strike a bargain.

CORPSE

Pay me two drachmas, or it's no use talking.

DIONYSUS

One and a half.

CORPSE

I'd liefer live again I

XANTHIAS

How absolute the knave is! He be hanged!
I'll go myself.

DIONYSUS

You're the right sort, my man.
Now to the ferry.

Enter CHARON.

CHARON

Yoh, up! lay her to.

XANTHIAS

Whatever's that?

DIONYSUS

Why, that's the lake, by Zeus,
Whereof he spake, and yon's the ferry-boat.

XANTHIAS

Poseidon, yes, and that old fellow's Charon.

DIONYSUS

Charon! O welcome, Charon! welcome, Charon!

CHARON

Who's for the Rest from every pain and ill?
Who's for the Lethe's plain? the Donkey-shearings?
Who's for Cerberia? Taenarum? or the Ravens?

DIONYSUS

I.

CHARON

Hurry in.

DIONYSUS

But where are you going really?
In truth to the Ravens?

CHARON

Aye, for your behoof. Step in.

DIONYSUS to XANTHIAS

Now, lad.

CHARON

A slave? I take no slave,
Unless he has fought for his bodyrights at sea.

XANTHIAS

I couldn't go. I'd got the eye-disease.

CHARON

Then fetch a circuit round about the lake.

XANTHIAS

Where must I wait?

CHARON

Beside the Withering stone, Hard by the Rest.

DIONYSUS

You understand?

XANTHIAS

Too well.
O, what ill omen crossed me as I started! Exit.

CHARON to DIONYSUS

Sit to the oar.

calling

Who else for the boat? Be quick.

to DIONYSUS

Hi! what are you doing?

DIONYSUS

What am I doing? Sitting
On to the oar. You told me to, yourself

CHARON

Now sit you there, you little Potgut.

DIONYSUS

Now stretch your arms full length before you.

CHARON

Come, don't keep fooling; plant your feet, Pull with a will.

DIONYSUS

Why, how am I to pull?
I'm not an oarsman, seaman, Salaminian. I can't.

CHARON

You can. Just dip your oar in once,
You'll hear the loveliest timing songs.

DIONYSUS

What from?

CHARON

Frog-swans, most wonderful.

DIONYSUS

Then give the word.

CHARON

Heave ahoy! heave ahoy I

FROGS off stage

Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax,
Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax!
We children of the fountain and the lake
Let us wake
Our full choir-shout, as the flutes are ringing out,
Our symphony of clear-voiced song.
The song we used to love in the Marshland up above,
In praise of Dionysus to produce,
Of Nysaean Dionysus, son of Zeus,
When the revel-tipsy throng, all crapulous and gay,
To our precinct reeled along on the holy Pitcher day,
Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

DIONYSUS

O, dear! O, dear! now I declare
I've got a bump upon my rump,

FROGS

Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

DIONYSUS

But you, perchance, don't care.

FROGS

Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

DIONYSUS

Hang you, and your ko-axing tool
There's nothing but ko-ax with you.

FROGS

That is right, Mr. Busybody, right!
For the Muses of the lyre love us well;
And hornfoot Pan who plays on the pipe his jocund lays;
And Apollo, Harper bright, in our Chorus takes delight;
For the strong reed's sake which I grow within my lake
To be girdled in his lyre's deep shell.
Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

DIONYSUS

My hands are blistered very sore;
My stern below is sweltering so,
'Twill soon, I know, upturn and roar
Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.
O tuneful race, O pray give o'er,
O sing no more.

FROGS

Ah, no! ah, no!
Loud and louder our chant must flow.
Sing if ever ye sang of yore,
When in sunny and glorious days
Through the rushes and marsh-flags springing
On we swept, in the joy of singing
Myriad-diving roundelays.
Or when fleeing the storm, we went
Down to the depths, and our choral song
Wildly raised to a loud and long
Bubble-bursting accompaniment.

FROGS AND DIONYSUS

Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

DIONYSUS

This timing song I take from you.

FROGS

That's a dreadful thing to do.

DIONYSUS

Much more dreadful, if I row
Till I burst myself, I trow.

FROGS AND DIONYSUS

Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

DIONYSUS

Go, hang yourselves; for what care I?

FROGS

All the same we'll shout and cry,
Stretching all our throats with song,
Shouting, crying, all day long,

FROGS AND DIONYSUS

Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

DIONYSUS

In this you'll never, never win.

FROGS

This you shall not beat us in.

DIONYSUS

No, nor ye prevail o'er me.
Never! never! I'll my song,
Shout, if need be, all day Yong,
Until I've learned to master your ko-ax.
Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.
I thought I'd put a stop to your ko-ax.

CHARON

Stop! Easy! Take the oar and push her to.
Now pay your fare and go.

DIONYSUS

Here' tis: two obols.
Xanthias! where's Xanthias? Is it Xanthias there?

XANTHIAS off stage

Hoi, hoi!

DIONYSUS

Come hither.

XANTHIAS Entering

Glad to meet you, master.

DIONYSUS

What have you there?

XANTHIAS

Nothing but filth and darkness.

DIONYSUS

But tell me, did you see the parricides
And perjured folk he mentioned?

XANTHIAS

Didn't you?

DIONYSUS

Poseidon, yes. Why look!

pointing to the audience

I see them now.
What's the next step?

XANTHIAS

We'd best be moving on.
This is the spot where Heracles declared
Those savage monsters dwell.

DIONYSUS

O hang the fellow.
That's all his bluff: he thought to scare me off,
The jealous dog, knowing my plucky ways.
There's no such swaggerer lives as Heracles.
Why, I'd like nothing better than to achieve
Some bold adventure, worthy of our trip.

XANTHIAS

I know you would. Hallo! I hear a noise.

DIONYSUS

Where? what?

XANTHIAS

Behind us, there.

DIONYSUS

Get you behind.

XANTHIAS

No, it's in front.

DIONYSUS

Get you in front directly.

XANTHIAS

And now I see the most ferocious monster.

DIONYSUS

O, what's it like?

XANTHIAS

Like everything by turns.
Now it's a bull: now it's a mule: and now
The loveliest girl.

DIONYSUS

O, where? I'll go and meet her.

XANTHIAS

It's ceased to be a girl: it's a dog now.

DIONYSUS

It is Empusa!

XANTHIAS

Well, its face is all
Ablaze with fire.

DIONYSUS

Has it a copper leg?

XANTHIAS

A copper leg? yes, one; and one of cow dung.

DIONYSUS

O, whither shall I flee?

XANTHIAS

O, whither I?

DIONYSUS

My priest, protect me, and we'll sup together.

XANTHIAS

King Heracles, we're done for.

DIONYSUS

O, forbear, Good fellow, call me anything but that.

XANTHIAS

Well then, Dionysus.

DIONYSUS

O, that's worse again,

XANTHIAS to the SPECTRE

Aye, go thy way. O master, here, come here.

DIONYSUS

O, what's up now?

XANTHIAS

Take courage; all's serene.
And, like Hegelochus, we now may say
'Out of the storm there comes a new wether.'
Empusa's gone.

DIONYSUS

Swear it.

XANTHIAS

By Zeus she is.

DIONYSUS

Swear it again.

XANTHIAS

By Zeus.

DIONYSUS

Again.

XANTHIAS

By Zeus.

…

DIONYSUS

Can any of you tell
Where Pluto here may dwell,
For we, sirs, are two strangers who were never here before?

CHORUS

O, then no further stray,
Nor again inquire the way,
For know that ye have journeyed to his very entrance-door.

DIONYSUS

Take up the wraps, my lad.

XANTHIAS

Now is not this too bad?
Like 'Zeus's Corinth,' he 'the wraps' keeps saying o'er and o'er.

CHORUS

Now wheel your sacred dances through the glade with flowers bedight,
All ye who are partakers of the holy festal rite;
And I will with the women and the holy maidens go
Where they keep the nightly vigil, an auspicious light to show.
Now haste we to the roses,
And the meadows full of posies,
Now haste we to the meadows
In our own old way,
In choral dances blending,
In dances never ending,
Which only for the holy
The Destinies array.
O, happy mystic chorus,
The blessed sunshine o'er us
On us alone is smiling,
In its soft sweet light:
On us who strove forever
With holy, pure endeavour,
Alike by friend and stranger
To guide our steps aright.

DIONYSUS

What's the right way to knock? I wonder how
The natives here are wont to knock at doors.

XANTHIAS

No dawdling: taste the door. You've got, remember,
The lion-hide and pride of Heracles.

DIONYSUS knocking

Boy! boy!

The door opens. AEACUS appears.

AEACUS

Who's there?

DIONYSUS

I, Heracles the strong!

AEACUS

O, you most shameless desperate ruffian, you
O, villain, villain, arrant vilest villain!
Who seized our Cerberus by the throat, and fled,
And ran, and rushed, and bolted, haling of
The dog, my charge! But now I've got thee fast.
So close the Styx's inky-hearted rock,
The blood-bedabbled peak of Acheron
Shall hem thee in: the hell-hounds of Cocytus
Prowl round thee; whilst the hundred-headed Asp
Shall rive thy heart-strings: the Tartesian Lamprey
Prey on thy lungs: and those Tithrasian Gorgons
Mangle and tear thy kidneys, mauling them,
Entrails and all, into one bloody mash.
I'll speed a running foot to fetch them hither.

Exit AEACUS.

XANTHIAS

Hallo! what now?

DIONYSUS

I've done it: call the god.

XANTHIAS

Get up, you laughing-stock; get up directly,
Before you're seen.

DIONYSUS

What, I get up? I'm fainting.
Please dab a sponge of water on my heart.

XANTHIAS

Here! Dab it on.

DIONYSUS

Where is it?

XANTHIAS

Ye golden gods,
Lies your heart there?

DIONYSUS

It got so terrified
It fluttered down into my stomach's pit.

XANTHIAS

Cowardliest of gods and men!

DIONYSUS

The cowardliest? I?
What I, who asked you for a sponge, a thing
A coward never would have done!

XANTHIAS

What then?

DIONYSUS

A coward would have lain there wallowing;
But I stood up, and wiped myself withal.

XANTHIAS

Poseidon! quite heroic.

DIONYSUS

'Deed I think so.
But weren't you frightened at those dreadful threats
And shoutings?

XANTHIAS

Frightened? Not a bit. I cared not.

DIONYSUS

Come then, if you're so very brave a man,
Will you be I, and take the hero's club
And lion's skin, since you're so monstrous plucky?
And I'll be now the slave, and bear the luggage.

XANTHIAS

Hand them across. I cannot choose but take them.
And now observe the Xanthio-heracles
If I'm a coward and a sneak like you.

DIONYSUS

Nay, you're the rogue from Melite's own self.
And I'll pick up and carry on the traps.

Enter a MAID-SERVANT of Persephone, from the door.

MAID

O welcome, Heracles! come in, sweetheart.
My Lidy, when they told her, set to work,
Baked mighty loaves, boiled two or three tureens
Of lentil soup, roasted a prime ox whole,
Made rolls and honey-cakes. So come along.

XANTHIAS declining

You are too kind.

MAID

I will not let you go.
I will not let you! Why, she's stewing slices
Of juicy bird's-flesh, and she's making comfits,
And tempering down her richest wine. Come, dear,
Come along in.

XANTHIAS still declining

Pray thank her.

MAID

O you're jesting,
I shall not let you off: there's such a lovely
Flute-girl all ready, and we've two or three
Dancing-girls also.

XANTHIAS

Eh! what! Dancing-girls?

MAID

Young budding virgins, freshly tired and trimmed.
Come, dear, come in. The cook was dishing up
The cutlets, and they are bringing in the tables.

XANTHIAS

Then go you in, and tell those dancing-girls
Of whom you spake, I'm coming in Myself.

Exit MAID.

Pick up the traps, my lad, and follow me.

DIONYSUS

Hi! stop! you're not in earnest, just because
I dressed you up, in fun, as Heracles?
Come, don't keep fooling, Xanthias, but lift
And carry in the traps yourself
You are never going to strip me of these togs
You gave me!

DIONYSUS

Going to? No, I'm doing it now. off with that lion-skin.

XANTHIAS

Bear witness all,
The gods shall judge between us.

DIONYSUS

Gods, indeed!
Why, how could you (the vain and foolish thought I)
A slave, a mortal, act Alemena's son?

XANTHIAS

All right then, take them; maybe, if God will,
You'll soon require my services again.

CHORUS

This is the part of a dexterous clever
Man with his wits about him ever,
One who has travelled the world to see;
Always to shift, and to keep through all
Close to the sunny side of the wall;
Not like a pictured block to be,
Standing always in one position;
Nay but to veer, with expedition,
And ever to catch the favouring breeze,
This is the part of a shrewd tactician,
This is to be a-Theramenes!

DIONYSUS

Truly an exquisite joke 'twould be,
Him with a dancing-girl to see,
Lolling at ease on Milesian rugs;
Me, like a slave, beside him standing,
Aught that he wants to his lordship handing;
Then as the damsel fair he hugs,
Seeing me all on fire to embrace her,
He would perchance (for there's no man baser),
Turning him round like a lazy lout,
Straight on my mouth deliver a facer,
Knocking my ivory choirmen out.

Enter HOSTESS and PLATHANE.

HOSTESS

O Plathane! Plathane! that naughty man,
That's he who got into our tavern once,
And ate up sixteen loaves.

PLATHANE

O, so he is! The very man.

XANTHIAS

Bad luck for somebody!

HOSTESS

O and, besides, those twenty bits of stew,
Half-obol pieces.

XANTHIAS

Somebody's going to catch it!

HOSTESS

That garlic too.

DIONYSUS

Woman, you're talking nonsense.
You don't know what you're saying.

HOSTESS

O, you thought
I shouldn't know you with your buskins on!
Ah, and I've not yet mentioned all that fish,
No, nor the new-made cheese: he gulped it down,
Baskets and all, unlucky that we were.
And when I just alluded to the price,
He looked so fierce, and bellowed like a bull.

XANTHIAS

Yes, that's his way: that's what he always does.

HOSTESS

O, and he drew his sword, and seemed quite mad.

PLATHANE

O, that he did.

HOSTESS

And terrified us so
We sprang up to the cockloft, she and I.
Then out he hurled, decamping with the rugs.

XANTHIAS

That's his way too; something must be done.

HOSTESS

Quick, run and call my patron Cleon here

PLATHANE

O, if you meet him, call Hyperbolus!
We'll pay you out to-day.

HOSTESS

O filthy throat,
O how I'd like to take a stone, and hack
Those grinders out with which you chawed my wares.

PLATHANE

I'd like to pitch you in the deadman's pit.

HOSTESS

I'd like to get a reaping-hook and scoop
That gullet out with which you gorged my tripe.
But I'll to Cleon: he'll soon serve his writs;
He'll twist it out of you to-day, he will.

Exeunt HOSTESS and PLATHANE.

DIONYSUS

Perdition seize me, if I don't love Xanthias.

XANTHIAS

Aye, aye, I know your drift: stop, stop that talking
I won't be Heracles.

DIONYSUS

O, don't say so,
Dear, darling Xanthias.

XANTHIAS

Why, how can I,
A slave, a mortal, act Alemena's son!

DIONYSUS

Aye, aye, I know you are vexed, and I deserve
And if you pummel me, I won't complain.
But if I strip you of these togs again,
Perdition seize myself, my wife, my children,
And, most of all, that blear-eyed Archedemus.

XANTHIAS

That oath contents me: on those terms I take them.

CHORUS

Now that at last you appear once more,
Wearing the garb that at first you wore,
Wielding the club and the tawny skin,
Now it is yours to be up and doing,
Glaring like mad, and your youth renewing,
Mindful of him whose guise you are in.
If, when caught in a bit of a scrape, you
Suffer a word of alarm to escape you,
Showing yourself but a feckless knave,
Then will your master at once undrape you,
Then you'll again be the toiling slave.

XANTHIAS

There, I admit, you have given to me
Capital hint, and the like idea,
Friends, had occurred to myself before.
Truly if anything good befell
He would be wanting, I know full well,
Wanting to take to the togs once more.
Nevertheless, while in these I'm vested,
Ne'er shall you find me craven-crested,
No, for a dittany look I'll wear,
Aye and methinks it will soon be tested,
Hark! how the portals are rustling there.

Re-enter AEACUS with assistants.

AEACUS

Seize the dog-stealer, bind him, pinion him,
Drag him to justice

DIONYSUS

Somebody's going to catch it.

XANTHIAS striking out

Hands off! away! stand back!

AEACUS

Eh? You're for fighting.
Ho! Ditylas, Sceblyas, and Pardocas,
Come hither, quick; fight me this sturdy knave.

DIONYSUS

Now isn't it a shame the man should strike
And he a thief besides?

AEACUS

A monstrous shame!

DIONYSUS

A regular burning shame!

XANTHIAS

By the Lord Zeus,
If ever I was here before, if ever
I stole one hair's-worth from you, let me die!
And now I'll make you a right noble offer,
Arrest my lad: torture him as you will,
And if you find I'm guilty, take and kill me.

AEACUS

Torture him, how?

XANTHIAS

In any mode you please.
Pile bricks upon him: stuff his nose with acid:
Flay, rack him, hoist him; flog him with a scourge
Of prickly bristles: only not with this,
A soft-leaved onion, or a tender leek.

AEACUS

A fair proposal. If I strike too hard
And maim the boy, I'll make you compensation.

XANTHIAS

I shan't require it. Take him out and flog him.

AEACUS

Nay, but I'll do it here before your eyes.
Now then, put down the traps, and mind you speak
The truth, young fellow.

DIONYSUS in agony

Man' don't torture me!
I am a god. You'll blame yourself hereafter
If you touch me.

AEACUS

Hillo! What's that you are saying?

DIONYSUS

I say I'm Bacchus, son of Zeus, a god,
And he's the slave.

AEACUS

You hear him?

XANTHIAS

Hear him? Yes.
All the more reason you should flog him well.
For if he is a god, he won't perceive it.

DIONYSUS

Well, but you say that you're a god yourself.
So why not you be flogged as well as I?

XANTHIAS

A fair proposal. And be this the test,
Whichever of us two you first behold
Flinching or crying out-he's not the god.

AEACUS

Upon my word you're quite the gentleman,
You're all for right and justice. Strip then, both.

XANTHIAS

How can you test us fairly?

AEACUS

Easily. I'll give you blow for blow.

XANTHIAS

A good idea.
We're ready now!

AEACUS strikes him

see if you catch me flinching.

AEACUS

I struck you.

XANTHIAS incredulously

No!

AEACUS

Well, it seems 'no' indeed.
Now then I'll strike the other.

Strikes DIONYSUS.

DIONYSUS

Tell me when?

AEACUS

I struck you.

DIONYSUS

Struck me? Then why didn't I sneeze?

AEACUS

Don't know, I'm sure. I'll try the other again.

XANTHIAS

And quickly too. Good gracious!

AEACUS

Why 'good gracious'?
Not hurt you, did I?

XANTHIAS

No, I merely thought of
The Diomeian feast of Heracles.

AEACUS

A holy man! 'Tis now the other's turn.

DIONYSUS

Hi! Hi!

AEACUS

Hallo!

DIONYSUS

Look at those horsemen, look!

AEACUS

But why these tears?

DIONYSUS

There's such a smell of onions.

AEACUS

Then you don't mind it?

DIONYSUS cheerfully

Mind it? Not a bit.

AEACUS

Well, I must go to the other one again.

XANTHIAS

O! O!

AEACUS

Hallo!

XANTHIAS

Do pray pull out this thorn.

AEACUS

What does it mean? 'Tis this one's turn again.

DIONYSUS shrieking

Apollo! Lord!

calmly

of Delos and of Pytho.

XANTHIAS

He flinched! You heard him?

DIONYSUS

Not at all; a jolly Verse of Hipponax flashed across my mind.

XANTHIAS

You don't half do it: cut his flanks to pieces.

AEACUS

By Zeus, well thought on. Turn your belly here.

DIONYSUS screaming

Poseidon!

XANTHIAS

There! he's flinching.

DIONYSUS singing

who dost reign
Amongst the Aegean peaks and creeks
And oer the deep blue main.

AEACUS

No, by Demeter, still I can't find out
Which is the god, but come ye both indoors;
My lord himself and Persephassa there,
Being gods themselves, will soon find out the truth.

DIONYSUS

Right! right! I only wish you had thought of that
Before you gave me those tremendous whacks.

Exeunt DIONYSUS, XANTHIAS, AEACUS, and attendants.

…

Source: Aristophanes. The Frogs. Trans. Richard Aldington. The Internet Classics Archive (29 September 2000). http://classics.mit.edu/Aristophanes/frogs.html. Accessed 14 December 2002.